The Calls I Get by Christopher Robin

 
are you sending me any money?
can you sell these Perry Como records for me?
did we break up?
I will be moving to California in two weeks!
I never get any sex
I need to get stoned and dance for you
can I use the copier to print these poems?
can I use the phone to call my therapist?
when’s the next issue coming out?
your niece was in a car accident…
the pig died…
so and so’s are fighting again on Myspace
everybody is crying-
the poet is in town in 2 hours
are you ready?
when’s the next party?
do you know any good mental hospitals?
get it together….spend some time with me!
I’m leaving the state in 2 months!
do you have any toilet paper?
my insurance won’t cover it!
will you buy me a pie?
do you know anybody who can use some leftover
pork roast from the halfway house?
can you buy me some ladybugs?
are you mad at me?
please pick up the phone…
your warranty has expired…
is so and so mad at me?
can you bring in my newspaper?
is this the blowjob hotline?
I need a place to sleep
I need a place to watch TV
I need to eat your cookies
I need to drink beer
I need to smoke cigarettes on your porch
I need you to raise my kid
answer me answer me answer me.